Nowadays, marriage is famous for supposedly ushering in a decline of sexual desire as soon as the I-Do’s are said. In a world where divorce is the norm, how can you go about keeping marriage hot?
Keeping Marriage Hot: The Psychological Side
First of all, it’s important to realize that every couple goes through rough patches and dry spells. This doesn’t mean that you can kick back and passively wait for the desire to start flowing again. It simply means you need to avoid being hard on yourself – worry and doubt are big libido killers.
Having said that, it’s a good idea for you both to take an honest look about what might be causing this dry spell, and what you need to do in keeping marriage hot. Life changes – increased hours at work, a new baby, moving, etc – demand a lot of our time and attention, leaving us little energy to spend on recreating our most mind-blowing moments in the bedroom.
Instead of shooting for sex every night, pick a day (or two, or three) each week for you both to reconnect. Before heading into the bedroom, give yourself a chance to switch your focus from taking care of everyone else, to taking care of yourself. This is where you start to channel your inner desire. For some women this means taking a short walk to clear their heads, for others a hot bath will do. Taking time to do this is key for keeping marriage hot.
Lastly, it’s a mistake to think that once we’re married, we’re safe; we no longer have to worry. It’s tempting to believe we’ll never have to play the game again and we can sit back and relax because all the work is done. This is also known as taking someone for granted.
When keeping marriage hot, it’s better to realize that you will always have to continue trying to win each other over. The stakes won’t be the same as when dating, but it’s just as important to show how much you care now, as it was then.
Keeping Marriage Hot: The Physical Side
Being goal-oriented during sex just doesn’t work. Take it from someone who thinks of life entirely in terms of the goals she sets and accomplishes – sex and goals to not mesh. Half the fun in keeping marriage hot through sex is in simply connecting with your partner. The other half is in creatively experimenting with positions, toys, places, and situations. Exploring new things together, sexual or not, stimulates those bonding chemicals in the brain and works towards keeping marriage hot.
Try making love without actually having sex. Give each other long, sensual massages where you explore your partner’s body – every last square inch – all while doing your best to refrain from sex. This will make sex more desirable.
Or, take some time to share your fantasies with each other. Some women can find it a little intimidating to be so explicit, even with their partner, so try this: buy a notebook or journal, or even set up two new email accounts specifically for this exercise, then write out your fantasies to each other. Simply sharing them without be presented with an obligation to fulfill them, will get desire rolling smoothly along.
Lastly, keeping marriage hot also means making sex and intimate times a priority. The more you do it without burning each other out, the more you’ll want it.
Keeping marriage hot takes work, but it doesn’t have to be draining or dull. Use your creativity to spark desire, and do your best to be open with each other. Oftentimes the difference between marriages that work and those that don’t, are the times where you stayed and worked through the hard stuff instead of walking away.
